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国外也有段子手:守护我们最好的教练!

西江月-song 10-07 21:07

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”!周末的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷,尤文赢下与国米的焦点之战,曼市双雄纷纷输球,热刺、拜仁相继失利,而阿森纳、切尔西、皇马、巴萨等豪门则纷纷取胜。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

接连不胜,曼联0-1纽卡斯尔联

TheNarrator23(切尔西球迷):曼彻斯特双熊的分数加在一起,也就比利物浦多1分…(Liverpool is only 1 point behind both Manchester clubs combined.)

Melanjoly(曼联球迷):我不是痴心妄想,但我真的希望我魔能有一脚射正…(Don't want to get carried away but I'm hoping to see an effort on target today.)

Farcenewanker(荷兰球迷):真是一场保级的6分关键战呢!(Big goal in this relegation 6 pointer.)

English_Do_U_SpeakIt(未知主队球迷):索帅指引我们前行,结果把曼联带沟里去了…(Ole's at the wheel... and he's driving United into a ditch.)

DocaHyper(利物浦球迷):好期待在FM上挑战一下玩曼联!(Looking forward to a Manchester United challenge on Football Manager.)

IntenseIntentInTents(曼联球迷):那这真是FM的最高难度了…(Football manager hardcore mode.)

Letsleepingdogslie(未知主队球迷):弗雷德能卖5000万,绝对是足球历史上最大的抢劫案…(50m for Fred is the greatest robbery in football history.)

WetLikeMyJumperTho(利物浦球迷):弗雷德的所有贡献,还比不上桑切斯当时弹钢琴…(Sanchez playing the piano was better than anything Fred has ever done.)

Coysim(热刺球迷):谢谢你曼联,让我们在狗血的路上不再孤单…(Thank you, Manchester United, for sharing the banter with us.)

OTBT-7(未知主队球迷):就算现在的鲁尼也能轻松在曼联首发!(Current Rooney would easily be a starter for this United team.)

YIIZWL(英格兰球迷):如果你是马奎尔,离开了争四的莱斯特城,而加盟了保级的曼联…(Imagine being Maguire. Leave Leicester challenging for top 4, only to get relegated with United.)

JedH44(赫尔城球迷):可能脑袋大并不意味着脑子多吧…(Big head doesn't equal big brain I guess.)

merrykieran2(未知主队球迷):广西快三 app但钱多是肯定的。(Equals big money though.)

Hyploid(未知主队球迷):曼联的比赛还比不上“权力的游戏”第八季好看呢!(Game of Thrones season 8 was better than this.)

HippoBigga(巴萨球迷):15年后,90后和00后们将告诉自己刚长大的孩子,很久以前有支叫曼联的球队曾是英超最佳…(In 15 years all the kids who grew up in the 1990s and 2000s will be telling their kids how United used to be the best team in England a long time ago.)

距离榜首8分,曼城0-2狼队

Dalyon(里昂球迷):上帝啊,帮帮曼城的下一个对手吧…(God help City's next opponent.)

GhostRiders(利物浦球迷):特么还有30场比赛要踢啊…我的小心脏已经受不了了,菊花都已经碎成渣渣了…(Fucking hell we still have 30 games to go...I don't think my heart will be able to cope, my arse is already in pieces.)

h97i(利物浦球迷):库特罗内就像是打折促销的本泽马一样…(Cutrone plays like a clearance sale Benzema.)

Nbest19(曼城球迷):好吧,对方禁区里一堆1米95的大汉把你的传中都顶出来了,然后你的解决方法就是再多传中几次…(Well, when you've crossed the ball in so many times against their 6ft 5 defenders who win every header. The only reasonable thing to do is cross it some more.)

YKHM16(未知主队球迷):快藏起来你们的中后卫,曼城要买买买啦!(Hide your center backs. City are on the prowl.)

HeinzMayo(阿森纳球迷):亲,我们这有好可爱的中后卫呢,穆斯塔菲还赢过世界杯的哦,你晓不晓得啦亲?(We've got some lovely ones they can have. Mustafi has won the world cup didn't you know?)

Yashah999(曼城球迷):不应该笑话热刺的…(Shouldn't have made Tottenham jokes.)

_notathrowaway(未知主队球迷):感觉瓜瓜可能要找人去抄奥塔门迪的家了…(I think Pep might actually have people rob Otamendi's house after this one.)

大卫-路易斯首球,阿森纳1-0伯恩茅斯

bingobango157(马赛球迷):当听到路易斯进球时,我还以为是乌龙呢…(Assumed this was going to be an own goal when I saw Luiz’s name.)

Yedin00(阿森纳球迷):这是什么世道,我们竟然只落后曼城1分?(How on earth are we a point behind Man City.)

Xhoquelin(阿森纳球迷):感觉好几年没看到我们角球传中进头球了…这还是穆斯塔菲的绝招呢!(Feels like it's been years since we scored a header from a corner. One thing Mustafi could do.)

UrgotToBeKiddingMe(阿森纳球迷):我还以为进球的是贡多齐…(I thought it was Guendouzi at first who scored.)

Tylershenanigans(多特蒙德球迷):真不知道说什么好,如果你感兴趣的话,我可以教你一个做中国传统月饼的配方~(Dont know what to reply but ill drop a traditional chinese mooncake recipe if youre interested.)

GunstarGreen(诺丁汉森林球迷):这真是我看过最无聊的比赛之一了!(That might be one of the most boring games I have ever watched.)

lost_biochemist(阿森纳球迷):难道你没看过阿森纳上赛季的比赛吗?(Did you not watch our last PL game?)

伊瓜因制胜球,尤文2-1国米

IanCaesars(利物浦球迷):萨里到底最爱什么,香烟还是小烟枪(伊瓜因)?(What Sarri loves more? Pipita or cigarettes?)

Setirb(葡萄牙球迷):看来AC米兰已经把米兰城的红黄牌都用光了,所以这场比赛没有牌可发啦!(Looks like AC Milan already used all the cards cards allocated to the city in the last game, none left for the Inter game.)

CaptainSkull22(未知主队球迷):我猜伊瓜因在英格兰是吃饭不习惯吧…(i guess higuain hated the food in England.)

Jollyinthebox(未知主队球迷):看来也是不喜欢阿根廷菜啊,但严格来说,伊瓜因这体型也不像是挑食的人…(apparently he also hates argentine food. but seriously, Higuain does not look like someone who's picky about food.)

he1101(AC米兰球迷):卢卡库真是尤文的最佳后卫,把国米的进攻全给解围了!(Lukaku was the best Juve defender he destroyed all your attacks.)

SuperSayanVegeta(尤文球迷):好开心我们没买卢卡库,他去国米就让我更开心了!(So happy we didn't get lukaku and even happier he went to inter.)

Nudemales1(曼联球迷):卢卡库面对强队还是进不了球,真有点幸灾乐祸呢!(ah nice to see Lukaku still being useless in big games.)

Furytud(未知主队球迷):没了卢卡库,现在你们还能虐菜吗?(Can you score in small games now?)

Pushtopull(未知主队球迷):我今年12岁,这是我人生中第一次看意甲比赛,真是不错呀,下次有强强对话是啥时候?(This is the first italian game I've watched in my life, I'm only 12, I'm in love with it. When is my next big game lads?)

c0mplexx(AC米兰球迷):孩子,不管怎样都不要当AC米兰球迷,不然你恐怕活不到20岁…(Whatever you do don't become a milan fan or you won't make it to 20.)

苏神梅西进球,巴萨4-0塞维利亚

Afk94(未知主队球迷):9人作战都能赢球,巴萨高层正打算给巴尔韦德续约呢!(Barca board about to give Valverde a contract extension for winning with 9 men.)

KapSan1(巴萨球迷):洛佩特吉的救赎之路不算顺利呀!(Lopetegui's redemption tour in shambles.)

poweraavash(未知主队球迷):洛佩特吉又要在诺坎普踢完球被炒了…(Lopetegui getting sacked again after the game at Camp Nou.)

Ddywhorse(未知主队球迷):未来苏亚雷斯只会被人们记住两件事,凌空神仙球和现实版汉尼拔!(In the future, Suarez will be known for two things, lethal volleys and cannibalism.)

Whacky-Tobaccy90(巴萨球迷):登贝莱被罚下,一定是因为嘲笑裁判的发际线了…(I like to think Dembele said something about Lahoz’s hairline.)

Erratic85(巴萨球迷):哈哈,梅西踢任意球时有人卧草防低射,现在已经成为标配了!(Lol at the player who throws himself at the floor. Messi made that a thing.)

Coffeenick(未知主队球迷):现在,梅西的任意球不进才会让我惊讶…(At this point I'm more surprised when Messi freekicks DON'T go in.)

mr_salsa123(未知主队球迷):巴萨的比赛已经有定式了:巴萨XJBT—小狮子神扑—苏亚雷斯神仙球—巴萨大胜。(Barcelona games in a nutshell: Barca bad-->ter stegen saves--->suarez banger--->barca dominating.)

rowerine(巴萨球迷):俗话怎么说来着,不要在诺坎普穿白色球衣!(There is a popular saying that goes "never play in white at tge Camp Nou")

洛里伤退,热刺0-3布莱顿

alou404(曼联球迷):热刺球员还以为他们在踢拜仁呢!(Tottenham players think they're still playing against Bayern.)

arro-reatinus(阿森纳球迷):看到洛里受伤的肩膀,真的不想再幸灾乐祸热刺的丢球了…(I can't even celebrate this goal properly watching Lloris' elbow.)

VictorAkwaowo1(皇马球迷):要是波切蒂诺比索尔斯克亚还提前下课,评论区会怎么样…(Scenes on this sub when Pochettino gets sacked before Ole.)

Escherbach(热刺球迷):从数学角度,2-7到0-3已经是一种进步了!照着趋势,圣诞节之前我们差不多就能赢球了!(2-7 to 0-3 is an improvement, mathematically. If the trend continues, we could be winning matches before Christmas!)

SirWele(阿森纳球迷):我的阳痿瞬间就治好了…(My erectile dysfunction has been cured.)

oderatelyTortoise(阿森纳球迷):每次看到扎卡踢球,我就安慰自己热刺球迷看的可是戴尔…(Whenever I watch Xhaka play, I just remind myself that Spurs fans have to watch Dier.)

主场输球,拜仁1-2霍芬海姆

GameplayerStu(维拉球迷):现在就看霍芬海姆和布莱顿的王中王之战了!(Now we need Hoffenheim vs Brighton to crown the real winner.)

zorokvillian(多特蒙德球迷):当拜仁输球的时候,我们肯定是平局…(Of course we drew when Bayern lost.)

NorbertPL(热刺球迷):我还是沉默吧…(I prefer not to speak.)

ForgedTanto(拜仁球迷):本想看这场比赛呢,结果拜因体育却让我先看了一段网球,这都什么鬼?(Would love to watch the game but Bein seems pretty set on making me watch the Tennis end first.. ffs.)

顺利取胜,切尔西4-1南安普顿

XenonHerrDoktor(切尔西球迷):兰帕德终于因为门线技术获利了一次…(Lampard finally benefiting from goal line technology.)

kd_uoft(切尔西球迷):兰帕德世界杯曾进过1个球…在我心中。(He has 1 world cup goal... in my heart.)

Helkix(阿森纳球迷):真特么服了,无论发生什么,为啥切尔西最后总能踢得不错…(Fucking hell, how are Chelsea always decent despite whatever happens to them...)

Tellymundo(切尔西球迷):广西快三 app混乱是一把阶梯。(Chaos is a ladder.)

CaptainSkull22(未知主队球迷):威廉今晚被阿扎尔附体啦!(Willian was possessed by Hazard tonight.)

InfidelAdInfinitum(罗森博格球迷):有什么办法能让切尔西的转会禁令再延长一些吗?(Is there anyway that Chelsea can get the transfer ban extended?)

米尔纳绝杀,利物浦2-1莱斯特城

Nyhrox(曼联球迷):沃日哦,又是这剧情!(Fuck this plot armor again.)

artie_fresh(利物浦球迷):哪里哪里,运气而已!(Lucky lucky lucky)

thetruthyoucanhandle (利物浦球迷):上次萨拉赫在安菲尔德出场而利物浦输球的时候,萨拉赫还在切尔西效力呢!(Liverpool have only ever lost one Premier League home game with Salah on the pitch. In that game, Salah was playing for Chelsea.)

carpie101(切尔西球迷):利物浦怎么补时总能进这么多球?和弗格森时代一样,确实是强队的标志!(Liverpool are so jammy with last minute goals, but that's the mark of a good team, just like with Alex Ferguson.)

阿扎尔进球,皇马4-2格拉纳达

ZenoXephon(霍芬海姆球迷):巴尔韦德今天绝对是皇马最佳!额,怎么感觉怪怪的…(Valverde best player of RM today, idk but i find this funny.)

Jvcarreira(巴西球迷):巴尔韦德对皇马真是满门忠烈…(It seems the Valverde family is great for Madrid.)

matthieuC(法国球迷):巴萨球迷现在有两个巴尔韦德需要担心了…(So now Barcelona fans have two Valverde to dread.)

Nocomet(巴萨球迷):如果你们愿意,我们可以互相交换巴尔韦德!(we can swap valverdes if you want.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

消息参考来源: reddit

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热门评论(16)

2019-10-07 21:10:43

627

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2019-10-07 21:15:16

359

这翻译才是真正的段子手

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2019-10-07 21:11:32

206

82又一新爹:卢克德容

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2019-10-07 21:08:04

191

对不起,我只守护克伦克

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2019-10-07 21:11:12

151

82微微一笑,4连胜就是一波开启。

2019-10-07 21:26:49

147

“我真特么服了,为啥不论发生什么,切尔西总能踢得不错”,因为我们是切尔西,我们永不放弃

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2019-10-07 22:14:04

124

这个新闻太戳眼了,乍一看我还以为是……

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2019-10-07 21:41:34

112

德国cctv5?原来德甲在哪都是和网球绑定的

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2019-10-07 21:20:53

89

不如权游八?这话太伤人

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2019-10-07 21:43:07

80

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2019-10-07 21:56:40

55

满门忠烈真的过于优秀了,可以@北外入取了~

2019-10-07 22:02:34

52

评论数说明了一切

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2019-10-07 21:58:52

50

有个问题,懂球帝fc真的解散了吗?踢完女足就没有看到过元气满满的星期四了

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2019-10-07 22:46:17

41

TheNarrator23(切爾西球迷):曼徹斯特雙熊的分數加在一起,也就比利物浦多1分…(Liverpool is only 1 point behind both Manchester clubs combined.)

2019-10-07 21:16:50

33

AC米兰:天足不说我了,想不到在这里我任然没逃过

2019-10-07 21:17:05

29

不看曼城但却喜欢尬吹的朋友们了解一下:曼城的主力双中卫是拉波+石头,中场核心除了喜娃只有丁丁,锋线上有个叫萨内的爆点,现在他们都躺在医院

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